


Memories of Yesterday

by NoSleepUntilVacation



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 08:39:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14565243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSleepUntilVacation/pseuds/NoSleepUntilVacation
Summary: Asgore remembers the old days.





	Memories of Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> _"Oh, who would ever want to be king?"_  
>  -Coldplay, "Viva La Vida"

He walks through his home, the sounds of his breathing and of his giant paws padding across the floor being the only things to break the silence. It's a modest home, rather ironic for someone like him; with him being the king that he is, most people would expect something far more opulent. That celebrity robot Alphys showed him probably has more extravagant taste than he does!

...

He finds no humor in this. He doesn't want to.

Some days, just walking through this home is too much for him; he would much rather just tend to his garden, or make some tea, or even stay in bed all day without any concern for who sees him or thinks it's wrong (those days specifically tend to fall around the same times each year). Every room in his home has its own stories to tell.

The kitchen is full of ingredients on a regular basis; he yearns to recreate that pie recipe perfectly. If he can, then whenever he bites into it, he can close his eyes and pretend, for just one moment, that it was made by _her_ hands.

The dining room still has its four chairs. He always sits in the exact same one, and is often reluctant to let anyone else sit in the other three seats; it would feel like sacrilege for anyone except those specific three people to ever sit in those chairs. (Whenever company comes over for dinner, he moves those three chairs to the side and places different ones where they usually go. No one ever questions this. He hopes no one ever does.)

His private quarters aren't even a complete solace; there are still reminders of the old days even in there. An old nose-nuzzling trophy, some macaroni art and a sweater that were both presents for him, the Santa Claus outfit he would wear whenever the holidays came around... even the bed, big as it is, feels empty when it's just him in there. But he leaves everything as it was; throwing any of the items away would be like throwing _them_ away. So everything stays.

He can't even bear to go into the room between his quarters and the rest of the house. If he had his way, the two small beds in that room would still be occupied every night; one by the child that he and his wife had made with their love, and the other by the child who fell from above and became one of their own. The last time he entered this room, he did it to make sure everything was still as the children had left it, just in case fate somehow decides that miracles exist, and thus decides to bring the two back to him. And if they somehow come back... maybe she'll come back?

His throne room's only carpet is that of the golden flowers; whenever he walks through the room, he always does so in as careful a manner as possible. His throne is near the back; a second throne is in the corner, with a sheet over it. Maybe its rightful owner will want to return someday; this is why he still keeps it there, even if the more rational parts of his mind say she won't.

During his little walk, he stops to stare at something; this is something that breaks his heart and heals it all at once.

It's an old photograph, with himself and the three people most important to him. All four are smiling, a snapshot of the days when everyone, even him, was full of hope.

These days, he doesn't smile unless he's greeting a guest. How can he smile when the one thing he truly wants is something he can never have? And thanks to a horrible mistake he made on that fateful day, the adult woman in the photograph wants nothing more to do with him; if she had to be in the same room as him nowadays, she certainly wouldn't smile. He doesn't blame her. And as for the other two in the picture? The dead don't have emotions.

He slowly sinks to the floor and allows the tears to fall freely, his front paws soaking them up. Were it only possible, he'd pay any price to go back in time, go to the ends of the earth to find a cure for his adopted child's sickness, and save those two lives... and by extension, those seven other lives. And the lives of all of humanity.

Every day, he curses himself for making that vile decree. He'd made it in a fit of pique... but when you're the king of your people and you make a decree, they tend to believe you. And when they blame the humans for what happened, they too want to see them at your mercy... even if that's no longer what you want.

But he can't just take it back. He can't just hold a press conference and say "hey, remember that thing I said about how all the humans who fall down here need to die? I don't think that's a very good idea anymore." For if there's one good thing he can say about the decree, it's that it's bringing hope to his people; this is rather vital when your species literally requires hope to survive. If he took it back at this point, monsters across the Underground would fall into despair, with many most likely losing the will to live, and many more falling like dominos out of grief.

And the monsters who fall down from despair... any one of them could be someone else's Toriel or Asriel or Chara.

But so could any of the humans who fall into the Underground.

Which is better? To take seven lives and ensure the emotional security and continued existence of your people, or to go back on a decree you made that you no longer believe in, but that's most likely the literal only thing keeping some denizens of your kingdom alive?

He takes a ragged breath. This is a question that no one should ever have to answer. But as the king, he has to.

As of late, the only kind of king he's wanted to be is the king of her heart. He wants to go back to the old days, when the two children would come back inside from a long day of playing, and she would be humming to herself as she prepared dinner, and they would all sit around the table and talk about their hopes for the future... even if he had to relinquish his crown, he wouldn't even care, as long as they could all be together again.

But the real question is, after everything he's done, does he even deserve to live that kind of life again?

Even he can't answer that question.

**Author's Note:**

> hey, i wasn't planning on writing something so angsty, but recently something came up and i felt like i had to write something to help myself get over it.  
> my first real romantic relationship suddenly ended after three-and-a-half years of knowing the guy, and around two years of us having feelings for each other. he felt that our interests and desires in life were starting to run perpendicular to each other, and so he thinks we'd be better as just friends. i hold no animosity towards him, but this may take a little time for me to fully get over. what do you do when you still love someone, even though you understand why they decided to end the relationship, and don't wish any misfortune on them?  
> i'm about two-thirds of the way through writing a papyton smut piece, but i may need a day or two before i can get back to it, given my current state of mind. if i tried to write it now, i'd probably make myself sad, and that would accidentally reflect itself on what i was writing.


End file.
